It never fails… Whenever you set your sights on a new opportunity, goal or challenge, there’s a voice in your head happily telling you that you can’t make it. Don’t listen to it.
Those dark moments of self doubt are dream killers of the worst kind. Its the fear in your heart that finds its voice and steers you away from your goals, telling you that whatever you're striving for is unachievable... you can't do it... Are you kidding? Do you know how many have tried it? What were you thinking?
It’s going to take inner strength, strong conviction and your own “self talk” to get you through. Recite positive affirmations, memorize some bible verses, download “Don’t worry be happy” onto your Ipod… Do whatever it takes to fill your head with positive energy, whatever it is that lifts your spirits and keeps you motivated to achieve your dreams. Start talking to yourself and tell the disagreeable bubble-bursting, dream-killing voice in your head to shut up.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Passion Conspiracy: The evolution of passion at work
Once upon a time it was all about the job. You went to college to get a good job. You chose your major based, in no small part, on the job you could get after graduation. You drove a bus, learned to type or got your MBA from NYU Stern so that you could get a great job making great money. There was never really any talk of what do you like to do. Oh sure you could say that coloring with crayons made you happy, but there was no feasible way you could make a living at it so you settled for a job instead.
Then suddenly, everyone started talking about passion instead of a job… do what you love and be passionate about your work… passionate about what you do… Even as I counsel my kids on their college choices I’m not asking them what kind of job they want. I am telling them to study what they are interested in. Do what makes you happy. Do what you love and (hopefully) the money will come. Hold on… Where did all that passion come from?
I remember watching Oprah, a few years ago as she interviewed Po Bronson. In his best seller, "What Should I Do with My Life?" he interviewed over 1000 people about how they found their ideal work. The work that fed their soul, the work they were meant to do and the work that makes them happy. I think the evolution of passion at work was right on time, but I don’t know if it was coincidence.
Is it a coincidence that we started this search for passion around the same time as the ever expanding real estate bubble loomed large overhead? I think not. How about real estate…. We can’t count on those golden nest eggs of home equity anymore…. A fortunate few may have gotten in on reverse mortgages while real estate prices held steady. But many current retirees got caught in the real estate bubble burst and are now holding upside down mortgages instead of sitting pretty on their home equity nest eggs. Without that safety nest, you may need to work longer, and if you’re going to work longer, I sure hope you love what you do.
Today’s dot.com Gen Y workers are not the work-40-years-for-the-same-company-and-retire-happily-and-comfortably-with-a-pension types… Most of today’s workers will not see the cushy and comfortable pension funded golden years as some of the baby boomers and other previous generations. One would be hard pressed to find a company these days that even offers a pension. With social security is breathing its last breath and many of us funding our own retirements with 401k’s and IRA’s, our golden years are getting further and further out of reach. A few years back 55 was retiring early, but realistically, 70 may be the new threshold. Work, work, work.
This all comes at a time when 40 is the new 30. Most of us are trying to extend our lives, living healthier to live longer. 30 minutes a day of cardio, cholesterol free organic heart smart dieting are buzz words from our new healthy life mantra. The Center for Disease Control has set the mark at 77 for the average US life expectancy. That means that we’ll probably have to work longer to support our longer healthier lives. All the more reason to love your work…. You’re going to be doing it for much longer than you thought!
So, let’s revisit the notion of passion at work. I maintain that the evolution of the idea is no coincidence, but rather an idea born out of necessity. The bad news is that financial factors may dictate that we work way past 55. The good news is that if we keep striving to live healthier, we’ll be healthy enough to keep working as long as we need to. The silver lining? If we choose our work wisely, and work at what makes us happy, our passions will keep us smiling. That’s not a conspiracy, that’s just good timing.
Then suddenly, everyone started talking about passion instead of a job… do what you love and be passionate about your work… passionate about what you do… Even as I counsel my kids on their college choices I’m not asking them what kind of job they want. I am telling them to study what they are interested in. Do what makes you happy. Do what you love and (hopefully) the money will come. Hold on… Where did all that passion come from?
I remember watching Oprah, a few years ago as she interviewed Po Bronson. In his best seller, "What Should I Do with My Life?" he interviewed over 1000 people about how they found their ideal work. The work that fed their soul, the work they were meant to do and the work that makes them happy. I think the evolution of passion at work was right on time, but I don’t know if it was coincidence.
Is it a coincidence that we started this search for passion around the same time as the ever expanding real estate bubble loomed large overhead? I think not. How about real estate…. We can’t count on those golden nest eggs of home equity anymore…. A fortunate few may have gotten in on reverse mortgages while real estate prices held steady. But many current retirees got caught in the real estate bubble burst and are now holding upside down mortgages instead of sitting pretty on their home equity nest eggs. Without that safety nest, you may need to work longer, and if you’re going to work longer, I sure hope you love what you do.
Today’s dot.com Gen Y workers are not the work-40-years-for-the-same-company-and-retire-happily-and-comfortably-with-a-pension types… Most of today’s workers will not see the cushy and comfortable pension funded golden years as some of the baby boomers and other previous generations. One would be hard pressed to find a company these days that even offers a pension. With social security is breathing its last breath and many of us funding our own retirements with 401k’s and IRA’s, our golden years are getting further and further out of reach. A few years back 55 was retiring early, but realistically, 70 may be the new threshold. Work, work, work.
This all comes at a time when 40 is the new 30. Most of us are trying to extend our lives, living healthier to live longer. 30 minutes a day of cardio, cholesterol free organic heart smart dieting are buzz words from our new healthy life mantra. The Center for Disease Control has set the mark at 77 for the average US life expectancy. That means that we’ll probably have to work longer to support our longer healthier lives. All the more reason to love your work…. You’re going to be doing it for much longer than you thought!
So, let’s revisit the notion of passion at work. I maintain that the evolution of the idea is no coincidence, but rather an idea born out of necessity. The bad news is that financial factors may dictate that we work way past 55. The good news is that if we keep striving to live healthier, we’ll be healthy enough to keep working as long as we need to. The silver lining? If we choose our work wisely, and work at what makes us happy, our passions will keep us smiling. That’s not a conspiracy, that’s just good timing.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I Believe in Faith
Faith is that little voice. The ‘yes, we can’ mantra of the Obama presidential campaign that used to ring in my head which is now fading and becoming harder to hear. Like a parade which is passing me by.
Faith is the belief that you’re going to be ok no matter what happens, no matter where you end up, no matter what not-so-great ideas that you act on—faith is the belief that it’s going to be alright. I had that kind of faith when I was younger. I look back on decisions I made and paths that were probably best not taken and I shudder with incredulity. Hindsight may be 20/20 but I’d give anything for an ounce of the faith that I had back then.
Faith is falling asleep on the #3 train at 4 in the morning travelling home to Brooklyn from a night of clubbing. I fully expected that we’d make it home safely, there simply was no doubt. Faith is quitting my job about a month before Christmas yet knowing that I would have a new job in time to buy presents. No brainer. Faith is trying to buy a house with one month on a new job. It’s hearing the words, “there’s a problem with the baby’s heartbeat” and trusting that I would survive. What happened to that faith? What happened? Did I lose my nerve or my strength, or did I lose my faith?
My life has taken many detours, sharp hairpin turns, a few miles in reverse and into full speed ahead: find true love, get married, start a family, make a home, build a career. Now, I find myself coasting in neutral and even at this slow speed my foot still hovers over the brake ready to screech to a stop at each intersection. I am cautious with my life’s choices and decisions now. Perhaps rightfully so. I don’t want to do anything that would upset the beautiful life I find myself living. My marriage, my children, my family, my home, my career – this is my life and I must protect it at all costs. I am cautious about what I expose my children to for fear that something will cause them harm. I am cautious of the people I let into my life, afraid of finding out that they do not have my best interests at heart. I am cautious about career decisions as they may ultimately undermine my ability to provide for my family. These are not the thoughts of the faithful. No. These are the thoughts of the fearful. Here’s the thing about living in fear, it leaves no room for faith.
I heard myself talking to a friend a few weeks ago as she explained why she would not let this great guy into her life. I heard my own fear in her words and understood instantly where she was coming from. I understood how she’d shut down the most vulnerable parts of herself to protect her heart from hurt, just as I had shut out certain people and circumstances to protect my life. I heard myself explaining to her how she needed to let go and let her faith guide her. The words just kind of jumbled out pleading with her to live her whole life, not just the parts that looked safe. I listened to myself as I told her let down her guard and let God guard her.
I distinctly recall being in that crowded restaurant, and not caring who heard my near evangelical soliloquy. I remember the light that seemed to fill my heart as I encouraged her to take a leap of faith and trust that God would be with her always – no matter what. I told her that living in fear left no room for God to take care of her and this I believe is true. Living in fear leaves no room for God. But the belief that God will take care of you, provide for you, and protect you, that is faith.
My own cup is half empty of that kind of faith, but every now and then the ‘yes, we can’ chanting becomes a little louder. Some days I can barely hear it, but it’s always there in my heart. These days it grows louder, like the distant sound of a parade marching in my direction.
Faith is the belief that you’re going to be ok no matter what happens, no matter where you end up, no matter what not-so-great ideas that you act on—faith is the belief that it’s going to be alright. I had that kind of faith when I was younger. I look back on decisions I made and paths that were probably best not taken and I shudder with incredulity. Hindsight may be 20/20 but I’d give anything for an ounce of the faith that I had back then.
Faith is falling asleep on the #3 train at 4 in the morning travelling home to Brooklyn from a night of clubbing. I fully expected that we’d make it home safely, there simply was no doubt. Faith is quitting my job about a month before Christmas yet knowing that I would have a new job in time to buy presents. No brainer. Faith is trying to buy a house with one month on a new job. It’s hearing the words, “there’s a problem with the baby’s heartbeat” and trusting that I would survive. What happened to that faith? What happened? Did I lose my nerve or my strength, or did I lose my faith?
My life has taken many detours, sharp hairpin turns, a few miles in reverse and into full speed ahead: find true love, get married, start a family, make a home, build a career. Now, I find myself coasting in neutral and even at this slow speed my foot still hovers over the brake ready to screech to a stop at each intersection. I am cautious with my life’s choices and decisions now. Perhaps rightfully so. I don’t want to do anything that would upset the beautiful life I find myself living. My marriage, my children, my family, my home, my career – this is my life and I must protect it at all costs. I am cautious about what I expose my children to for fear that something will cause them harm. I am cautious of the people I let into my life, afraid of finding out that they do not have my best interests at heart. I am cautious about career decisions as they may ultimately undermine my ability to provide for my family. These are not the thoughts of the faithful. No. These are the thoughts of the fearful. Here’s the thing about living in fear, it leaves no room for faith.
I heard myself talking to a friend a few weeks ago as she explained why she would not let this great guy into her life. I heard my own fear in her words and understood instantly where she was coming from. I understood how she’d shut down the most vulnerable parts of herself to protect her heart from hurt, just as I had shut out certain people and circumstances to protect my life. I heard myself explaining to her how she needed to let go and let her faith guide her. The words just kind of jumbled out pleading with her to live her whole life, not just the parts that looked safe. I listened to myself as I told her let down her guard and let God guard her.
I distinctly recall being in that crowded restaurant, and not caring who heard my near evangelical soliloquy. I remember the light that seemed to fill my heart as I encouraged her to take a leap of faith and trust that God would be with her always – no matter what. I told her that living in fear left no room for God to take care of her and this I believe is true. Living in fear leaves no room for God. But the belief that God will take care of you, provide for you, and protect you, that is faith.
My own cup is half empty of that kind of faith, but every now and then the ‘yes, we can’ chanting becomes a little louder. Some days I can barely hear it, but it’s always there in my heart. These days it grows louder, like the distant sound of a parade marching in my direction.
Friday, October 30, 2009
I am the Cow
Remember the movie “Twister” about the storm chasers? I love the part when they were on the bridge with the storm swirling around them and the cow kept flying by. Well, these days I can identify with the cow.
Most of the time I feel as though I’m in the middle of a twister, with things swirling around me and moving so fast that nothing makes sense. So I wait for the calm in the middle of the storm where there is light and clarity. Like near the end of the movie when they look up into the eye of the storm and the sky is blue and clear. The problem is that those calm, clear moments don’t happen often enough.
Life happens, time marches on and while we have to keep it moving, there is much to be said for taking control – if only for a moment – to find one’s own clarity. Taking time the time to think, to "chill and just be" is a necessity. I’ve read many books about finding happiness in life – anyone who really knows me has witnessed my self-help library :-). The good ones all start with the same founding principle: in the quiet you will find your direction. Some call it meditation, some call it prayer, some even call it retail therapy, but in truth and in fact, it’s how we can create the calm in our storms of our lives, and recharge our batteries to go on. It’s a necessity.
Do yourself a favor, get out your calendar – paper or blackberry – and schedule 10 minutes of “me time”.
Most of the time I feel as though I’m in the middle of a twister, with things swirling around me and moving so fast that nothing makes sense. So I wait for the calm in the middle of the storm where there is light and clarity. Like near the end of the movie when they look up into the eye of the storm and the sky is blue and clear. The problem is that those calm, clear moments don’t happen often enough.
Life happens, time marches on and while we have to keep it moving, there is much to be said for taking control – if only for a moment – to find one’s own clarity. Taking time the time to think, to "chill and just be" is a necessity. I’ve read many books about finding happiness in life – anyone who really knows me has witnessed my self-help library :-). The good ones all start with the same founding principle: in the quiet you will find your direction. Some call it meditation, some call it prayer, some even call it retail therapy, but in truth and in fact, it’s how we can create the calm in our storms of our lives, and recharge our batteries to go on. It’s a necessity.
Do yourself a favor, get out your calendar – paper or blackberry – and schedule 10 minutes of “me time”.
Monday, October 5, 2009
It’s the other 16 hours that count.
“I’m grateful to have a job in this economy, but…” is a very common refrain of late and in this economy following your passion is easier said than done. That is understandable, but don’t give up on your dreams just because you spend 8 hours a day doing something you really don’t like. Remember the other 16 hours!!!!
In a recent episode of Dr. Phil, there was a session with a woman who had been laid off. She’s married and I think she had kids, but her life, her identity and her happiness were wrapped up in that job. I mean, she was on the show to talk about her marriage problems, but it was clear that her life was her title. That’s pretty much all she talked about, even with her husband present. Her eyes lit up when she talked about her career, and the lights went out when she talked about her marriage. I couldn’t help but infer that had she put a fraction of the energy she had for work into working on her husband, she might not be so lost now or so alone.
Not only is that a sad reality because she’s one of the millions of unemployed Americans, but she’s also a great mirror to hold up to your own self image. If you are at work 8 hours and spending the other 16 ruminating over the day’s events, rehashing shoulda, coulda, wouldas, before you fall into a restless sleep…. If you spend Friday night recovering from work and all day Sunday dreading Monday. It’s time to get a life.
Seriously. Not until recently did I realize how much energy I've been giving away to my 9-5, for free! So I'm changing direction, and looking for ways to expand my thinking and pour more energy into the rest of me.
If it's not too late for me, then it's not too late for you. My advice? Spend some time building yourself up, spend time with your family – not distracted time, but wholly “in the moment” time, go to the gym after work, meditate, pray, write a book, take a class, take a walk. Do something that keeps you in touch with your authentic self – the “you” that you have to live with, even when you’re not at work.
In a recent episode of Dr. Phil, there was a session with a woman who had been laid off. She’s married and I think she had kids, but her life, her identity and her happiness were wrapped up in that job. I mean, she was on the show to talk about her marriage problems, but it was clear that her life was her title. That’s pretty much all she talked about, even with her husband present. Her eyes lit up when she talked about her career, and the lights went out when she talked about her marriage. I couldn’t help but infer that had she put a fraction of the energy she had for work into working on her husband, she might not be so lost now or so alone.
Not only is that a sad reality because she’s one of the millions of unemployed Americans, but she’s also a great mirror to hold up to your own self image. If you are at work 8 hours and spending the other 16 ruminating over the day’s events, rehashing shoulda, coulda, wouldas, before you fall into a restless sleep…. If you spend Friday night recovering from work and all day Sunday dreading Monday. It’s time to get a life.
Seriously. Not until recently did I realize how much energy I've been giving away to my 9-5, for free! So I'm changing direction, and looking for ways to expand my thinking and pour more energy into the rest of me.
If it's not too late for me, then it's not too late for you. My advice? Spend some time building yourself up, spend time with your family – not distracted time, but wholly “in the moment” time, go to the gym after work, meditate, pray, write a book, take a class, take a walk. Do something that keeps you in touch with your authentic self – the “you” that you have to live with, even when you’re not at work.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
NEW Webcast! A Possible Cure for EDD (Employee Discontent Disorder)
4 Real Women Talk
In a webcast moderated by Norka Blackman-Richards, President and Founder of 4 Real Women International, Michelle Somers and Brenda Jones will discuss finding personal passion and purpose as a possible cure for EDD (Employee Discontent Disorder). EDD is an epidemic that is troubling many Americans in the workplace today, in particular women. Are you experiencing boredom? Feeling listless? Tired of the same routines? Lost your passion for work? You just might be suffering from EDD.
4 Real Women Talk
In a webcast moderated by Norka Blackman-Richards, President and Founder of 4 Real Women International, Michelle Somers and Brenda Jones will discuss finding personal passion and purpose as a possible cure for EDD (Employee Discontent Disorder). EDD is an epidemic that is troubling many Americans in the workplace today, in particular women. Are you experiencing boredom? Feeling listless? Tired of the same routines? Lost your passion for work? You just might be suffering from EDD.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Chris Gardner is My Hero
I've read lots of self help books and I think the best direction I've ever gotten came from Chris Gardner. In his book Start Where You Are he says "It's up to me and to you to empower ourselves enough to find whatever it is within our current situation that we control, no matter how small it may be -- and start there." It doesn't get any simpler -- Love that!
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