Some people just like pushing buttons. Remember those toys you played with as a baby? You press this button and Mickey Mouse pops up, press that one and Donald Duck pops up. Eventually the child learns how to get Mickey or Donald to pop up whenever they want. Now fast forward a few years… Let’s say you’re at work… Someone has been reading you and studying how to get the response they want from you. If they want you to be happy, press this button… and if they want you to jump off the ledge, its that one. Those are the button pushers that get a sadistic thrill from seeing you out there on the ledge. Remember near the end of “The Devil Wears Prada”? All she had to say was “Do I smell freesias?” and the poor girl started stammering.
These are the people who want to tick you off, instill fear and hopelessness in your heart. Recent news stories will help you identify that kind of behavior as bullying -- which is unacceptable in any setting. It robs you of your happiness and can turn even the most confident person into a stammering fool.
Stop stammering. It doesn’t make sense to put up with negative behavior in your life. Just because some knucklehead didn’t get enough love in their childhood, or feels inadequate or insecure in themselves, it doesn’t give them the entre’ to spread the drama. We all know that’s where the negativity comes from – misery loves company and those miserable folks love to spread it around.
Well, guess what? It’s spring. It’s time for renewal of the earth and of the spirit. Let’s start by shaking off the negative energy and flipping the script. So if someone is pushing your buttons switch it up and change your response. Stand up – in your own way of course (and preferably a way that won’t get you jailed or fired) and represent.
Take back your power, and take back your joy.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
The Pied Piper of Freeport - Zumba Classes Heat up the South Shore
This little bundle of energy enters the room, all smiles and hellos. She is dressed in a black tank, black cargo pants and sneakers. She is Lilly Leon, or as I call her, the Pied Piper of Freeport. As she enters, the speakers boom with swaying Latin rhythms. Lilly starts moving and the group falls in line, like obedient mice following her lead. The Zumba class has begun.
If Zumba is new to you, allow me to make the introductions. Zumba is a hot dance/exercise class, combining salsa, merengue, samba and just a touch of hip-hop flavor. The class itself is a combination of flavors, as everyone joins in the fun and sweats like crazy for one hour of Latin beats. Look around tonight’s class and you’ll find mostly women, a few brave men, trained dancers, gymnasts, 30-somethings, 40-somethings and beyond; those who get the beat and those who live in a rhythm-less nation. It doesn’t matter, we’re all here every Tuesday night and loving it.
Admittedly, I was more than a little scared to start out. I am your average 40-something wife and mother of three who has put on a few pounds over the years. I didn’t want to embarrass myself dancing around like an uncoordinated fool struggling to keep up. A few minutes into the class, I realized I would be ok. There are maybe 100 of us in each class, lined up in rows and Lilly moves around the room so that we can all have her in our line of sight and follow along. She keeps the choreography pretty simple and basic – the kind that we can all follow. In tonight’s class of maybe 100 people, you kind of forget about everybody else and have fun, like when you’re alone in your house with just your favorite radio station for company.
What about the exercise part, you may ask… The class is set up in sets and after each set you get a little break – just long enough to take a sip of water and dab yourself with a towel before the music starts again. The hour-long class consists of maybe six sets of around 5-8 minutes each, taking you through an eclectic menu of Latin and Caribbean tempos. I’ll admit the first two classes were hard work and I didn’t think I’d last the whole hour. (Keep in mind that Zumba is, after all, aerobic exercise. This is not easy for a recovering couch potato, like me.) However, as I looked around I noticed that everyone was working within his or her own limit. Recognizing my own limits, I decided to concentrate on building enough stamina to get through the class. Once I build up my stamina, I can concentrate a little more working more of my muscles and perfecting my form to get that toned look. So for now I just do what I can, which is probably good advice for anyone starting a new exercise program. “Do what you can until you can do more” became my motto. In the end however, it is Lilly’s energy and the music party atmosphere that keeps me going.
Why Zumba? I realized it was time to get my butt off the couch and get my blood pumping again. It was either Zumba, a gym membership I’d never use, or a personal trainer I couldn’t afford. Tough decision, but Zumba classes seemed like a great compromise. Dancing one night a week for 8 weeks was less than $100 and proved to be a worthy investment and welcome escape. Where else can I go out dancing without having to dress up? Where else can I listen to the kind of music I like without my teenagers changing the station? For me, it's Zumba.
-------------------------------------------------
For more information about Lilly Leon’s Zumba classes, visit http://lamystika.com/Zumba.html or send her an email at lillylamystika@yahoo.com
If Zumba is new to you, allow me to make the introductions. Zumba is a hot dance/exercise class, combining salsa, merengue, samba and just a touch of hip-hop flavor. The class itself is a combination of flavors, as everyone joins in the fun and sweats like crazy for one hour of Latin beats. Look around tonight’s class and you’ll find mostly women, a few brave men, trained dancers, gymnasts, 30-somethings, 40-somethings and beyond; those who get the beat and those who live in a rhythm-less nation. It doesn’t matter, we’re all here every Tuesday night and loving it.
Admittedly, I was more than a little scared to start out. I am your average 40-something wife and mother of three who has put on a few pounds over the years. I didn’t want to embarrass myself dancing around like an uncoordinated fool struggling to keep up. A few minutes into the class, I realized I would be ok. There are maybe 100 of us in each class, lined up in rows and Lilly moves around the room so that we can all have her in our line of sight and follow along. She keeps the choreography pretty simple and basic – the kind that we can all follow. In tonight’s class of maybe 100 people, you kind of forget about everybody else and have fun, like when you’re alone in your house with just your favorite radio station for company.
What about the exercise part, you may ask… The class is set up in sets and after each set you get a little break – just long enough to take a sip of water and dab yourself with a towel before the music starts again. The hour-long class consists of maybe six sets of around 5-8 minutes each, taking you through an eclectic menu of Latin and Caribbean tempos. I’ll admit the first two classes were hard work and I didn’t think I’d last the whole hour. (Keep in mind that Zumba is, after all, aerobic exercise. This is not easy for a recovering couch potato, like me.) However, as I looked around I noticed that everyone was working within his or her own limit. Recognizing my own limits, I decided to concentrate on building enough stamina to get through the class. Once I build up my stamina, I can concentrate a little more working more of my muscles and perfecting my form to get that toned look. So for now I just do what I can, which is probably good advice for anyone starting a new exercise program. “Do what you can until you can do more” became my motto. In the end however, it is Lilly’s energy and the music party atmosphere that keeps me going.
Why Zumba? I realized it was time to get my butt off the couch and get my blood pumping again. It was either Zumba, a gym membership I’d never use, or a personal trainer I couldn’t afford. Tough decision, but Zumba classes seemed like a great compromise. Dancing one night a week for 8 weeks was less than $100 and proved to be a worthy investment and welcome escape. Where else can I go out dancing without having to dress up? Where else can I listen to the kind of music I like without my teenagers changing the station? For me, it's Zumba.
-------------------------------------------------
For more information about Lilly Leon’s Zumba classes, visit http://lamystika.com/Zumba.html or send her an email at lillylamystika@yahoo.com
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Social Media or Digital Schizophrenia: Dooce, The Stripper and LinkedIn
Heather Armstrong vented about her boss on her blog and got fired. She was totally within her right to exercise freedom of expression, but still she was fired for exercising that freedom in a digital form. (The irony: she may have been right about her boss, otherwise she might still be employed.)
How about the NYC public school teacher who recently blogged about her experience as a prostitute before she became an elementary school teacher? Mayor Bloomberg himself yanked her out of the classroom.
Take LinkedIn… if you are linked to your boss you may be limited in the amount of open digital networking you can do. Worse yet, human resource professionals regularly scout their employees LinkedIn pages. While the scouting may be innocent, can frequent updates to your profile trigger a call from HR with a pink slip? What if your boss or HR team Googles you – what will they find? Do you really want your HR exec following you on Twitter?
What I really don’t like is when companies go gung-ho about social media and insist that you identify yourself with the company digitally. Think about it… Is your current job your “identity”? Nothing is forever, right? If you should ever leave the company, can you de-twitter, un-link and dis-like your company? Probably not as easy as hitting the delete button, I suspect.
In a recent Wall Street Journal article the author explained the need for a positive electronic identity - an alter-ego, an elecronic Clark Kent for whom no mardi-gras, or jello shots videos exist. Creating a digital dossier that presents you in a positive light is fine for most of us – especially when you’re looking for a job and you need to convey a professional image. But I maintain that its virtually impossible to keep Superman separate from Clark Kent. Even the best superhero struggles to keep the two worlds separate (well, maybe except for Tony Stark, but he's different.)
In real life, its just not that easy. For example, let's say your latest Facebook post announces that you’re currently shopping your screenplay to Hollywood movie studios and you have a deal pending. That seems like an innocent post, but your current employer could take that as a signal that you’ll be leaving soon, or as an explanation for your extension’s recent increase in phone calls to the coast.
Clearly, I have a problem with the whole digital thing. I just can’t figure out how you can be your whole, authentic self online unless you are self-employed, independently wealthy or otherwise financially secure. But then again if you are wholly authentic, self-employed, independently wealthy and otherwise financially secure, should you really be posting your life’s details online?
As my Mom said when she found (and read) my diary when I was 14, don’t put anything in writing that you wouldn’t want anyone else to read.
How about the NYC public school teacher who recently blogged about her experience as a prostitute before she became an elementary school teacher? Mayor Bloomberg himself yanked her out of the classroom.
Take LinkedIn… if you are linked to your boss you may be limited in the amount of open digital networking you can do. Worse yet, human resource professionals regularly scout their employees LinkedIn pages. While the scouting may be innocent, can frequent updates to your profile trigger a call from HR with a pink slip? What if your boss or HR team Googles you – what will they find? Do you really want your HR exec following you on Twitter?
What I really don’t like is when companies go gung-ho about social media and insist that you identify yourself with the company digitally. Think about it… Is your current job your “identity”? Nothing is forever, right? If you should ever leave the company, can you de-twitter, un-link and dis-like your company? Probably not as easy as hitting the delete button, I suspect.
In a recent Wall Street Journal article the author explained the need for a positive electronic identity - an alter-ego, an elecronic Clark Kent for whom no mardi-gras, or jello shots videos exist. Creating a digital dossier that presents you in a positive light is fine for most of us – especially when you’re looking for a job and you need to convey a professional image. But I maintain that its virtually impossible to keep Superman separate from Clark Kent. Even the best superhero struggles to keep the two worlds separate (well, maybe except for Tony Stark, but he's different.)
In real life, its just not that easy. For example, let's say your latest Facebook post announces that you’re currently shopping your screenplay to Hollywood movie studios and you have a deal pending. That seems like an innocent post, but your current employer could take that as a signal that you’ll be leaving soon, or as an explanation for your extension’s recent increase in phone calls to the coast.
Clearly, I have a problem with the whole digital thing. I just can’t figure out how you can be your whole, authentic self online unless you are self-employed, independently wealthy or otherwise financially secure. But then again if you are wholly authentic, self-employed, independently wealthy and otherwise financially secure, should you really be posting your life’s details online?
As my Mom said when she found (and read) my diary when I was 14, don’t put anything in writing that you wouldn’t want anyone else to read.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Find Your Happy Place
How often is the well being of your spirit directed by external forces? When something goes right, you're on cloud 9. When something goes wrong you're in the depths of despair. Why are you giving your joy away and letting your life and happiness be determined by the actions of other people? This is the surest path to depression and anxiety. Regardless of the circumstance, the drama, the highs or the lows, stay the course, hold steady and do what you can to stay centered and grounded.
Find your happy place. If you haven't been there lately, let me describe it for you. Its that place where you know that you'll be ok no matter what life brings you. Its where your heart is filled with faith that whether they love you or love you not, your internal happiness will survive. Your mind doesn't race with worry when a door closes because you know a window will open. Your body is filled with positive energy even when those around you predict gloom and doom. Your happy place is the core of your being, the joyful spirit inside you where no one dwells except you and your God.
Take back your spirit and find the place in your heart where joy dwells. Once you find it, move in.
Happy New Year!
Find your happy place. If you haven't been there lately, let me describe it for you. Its that place where you know that you'll be ok no matter what life brings you. Its where your heart is filled with faith that whether they love you or love you not, your internal happiness will survive. Your mind doesn't race with worry when a door closes because you know a window will open. Your body is filled with positive energy even when those around you predict gloom and doom. Your happy place is the core of your being, the joyful spirit inside you where no one dwells except you and your God.
Take back your spirit and find the place in your heart where joy dwells. Once you find it, move in.
Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
You DON’T Complete Me - Why you need to put yourself first.
Today Elizabeth Edwards lost her long battle with cancer. She was to me a shining example of personal strength and why you need to put yourself first. Her husband screwed up, publicly. Fathered a child with another woman, denied the whole thing and then recanted admitting to both the child and the affair. He acted selfishly and his actions impacted his family and his wife.
We see broken wives everyday, who crumple and fall in the same situation. How many Oprah episodes (or Jerry Springer if that’s your thing) feature the tearful (or chair hurling) wife? How do I go on without him, they cry. What they’re really saying is “Who am I without him?”
Elizabeth Edwards died today and all I could think was that no matter what he was doing, no matter what drama he imposed, she still had to battle cancer and fight back death. While she loved him deeply I’m sure, she had to step into her obligation to fight her fight no matter what he was doing. Whether he loved her or not… Whether he cheated or not... Whether he lied or not... At the end of the day – indeed at the end of her life – she still had to be Elizabeth Edwards.
That’s a lesson I learned years ago. I was so busy worrying about what my man was doing that I began to neglect myself. I didn’t want him to go anywhere or do anything without me, for fear that if given a little freedom, he might leave forever. What I didn’t realize back then was that no matter what he did I would have to live with myself. If we divorced one day, if he passed away, or if he ran away and joined the circus – I would still be me. If I remained lost in a dance of keeping him “here” I’d lose myself.
I think that’s the thing that strikes women the hardest. We give of ourselves, nurture our families and build a home where we want everyone to feel happy, secure and loved. We build our lives around a man or our kids, but when the relationship ends and the kids grow up and move away, you’re still there. Will you know who you are? Will you be the bitter woman who blames everyone else for her loneliness? Or will you be the woman who loves herself and can be alone without feeling “lonely”?
I’ve learned that you’ve got to be whole. Never mind that “you complete me” drivel, you complete yourself. Be whole on your own. The people in your life are there to share your journey until your paths separate and you have to walk on by yourself. Are you just going to sit pitifully by the side of the road until the next person comes along and hitchhike with them? Don’t do that. It’s a road destined for loneliness and regret. Walk your own path, stop when you’re tired, smell the roses and learn as you go – but never be afraid to walk alone.
We see broken wives everyday, who crumple and fall in the same situation. How many Oprah episodes (or Jerry Springer if that’s your thing) feature the tearful (or chair hurling) wife? How do I go on without him, they cry. What they’re really saying is “Who am I without him?”
Elizabeth Edwards died today and all I could think was that no matter what he was doing, no matter what drama he imposed, she still had to battle cancer and fight back death. While she loved him deeply I’m sure, she had to step into her obligation to fight her fight no matter what he was doing. Whether he loved her or not… Whether he cheated or not... Whether he lied or not... At the end of the day – indeed at the end of her life – she still had to be Elizabeth Edwards.
That’s a lesson I learned years ago. I was so busy worrying about what my man was doing that I began to neglect myself. I didn’t want him to go anywhere or do anything without me, for fear that if given a little freedom, he might leave forever. What I didn’t realize back then was that no matter what he did I would have to live with myself. If we divorced one day, if he passed away, or if he ran away and joined the circus – I would still be me. If I remained lost in a dance of keeping him “here” I’d lose myself.
I think that’s the thing that strikes women the hardest. We give of ourselves, nurture our families and build a home where we want everyone to feel happy, secure and loved. We build our lives around a man or our kids, but when the relationship ends and the kids grow up and move away, you’re still there. Will you know who you are? Will you be the bitter woman who blames everyone else for her loneliness? Or will you be the woman who loves herself and can be alone without feeling “lonely”?
I’ve learned that you’ve got to be whole. Never mind that “you complete me” drivel, you complete yourself. Be whole on your own. The people in your life are there to share your journey until your paths separate and you have to walk on by yourself. Are you just going to sit pitifully by the side of the road until the next person comes along and hitchhike with them? Don’t do that. It’s a road destined for loneliness and regret. Walk your own path, stop when you’re tired, smell the roses and learn as you go – but never be afraid to walk alone.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Who are you, really?
Two of my favorite female characters are Kandi Burruss of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, and the infamous Samantha Jones of Sex and the City. What I love about them is that they know exactly who they are and no matter where they are, no matter who is watching, they are who they are. The irony that they are both paid to perform for the camera notwithstanding, they are both authentic characters.
Kandi is a self-made, successful singer and songwriter. She’s very down to earth, nothing fazes her and when she sees bull---- she calls it like it is. Love that. Kandi was attending a really chi-chi-poo-poo bridal shower on a recent episode, where the women were dressed to the nines – big hats, gloves, and ballerinas. So in a very small gesture, as she was alighting from her Mercedes for the event, she puts on her big hat. Looking like a new millennium Minnie Pearl, with the price tag dangling from her obviously new big hat, she snatches off the price tag and keeps on strutting. Cool.
Then there’s Samantha Jones, so comfortable in her heterosexuality – as any fan of the show knows. Always ready for whatever comes up, she’s open for new, ummm, opportunities, and she doesn’t hold her tongue – no puns intended. Even in Abu Dhabi surrounded by women shrouded in burkas, and people all around are speaking in whispers – she speaks her mind, loudly.
A good friend of mine, let’s call her PB, once told me that women get to a certain age and they recognize who they really are. They no longer live for approval, or acceptance they embrace themselves, do what feels right and keep on strutting. In today's terms, that someone is your authentic self.
Male or female, we have all bought into other people's ideas of who we are and what we should say and do. Whether its our family, or our boss, or society in general. But we spend so much of our lives and our energy trying to meet someone else's expectations that eventually we resent the restrictions and we come to resent ourselves for living half a life. Well, here's my expectation for you. Live your whole life, be your whole self, and be happy in it.
Its not an easy thing to and I don't know exactly how to do that, but I have caught glimpses of the real me..The one who loves my husband, my kids and my family - shopping, movies, good music and the beach…The one who really, really doesn't like getting up before noon...The one who doesn't like confrontations, but will handle it when necessary. I recognize those are some of the things that make me me, and I'm learning to embrace that she is my authentic self. She's not perfect, and she’s not here full-time yet but I’m working on it.
Have you met your authentic self? http://www.oprah.com/spirit/New-Years-Resolution-Just-Be-Yourself
Kandi is a self-made, successful singer and songwriter. She’s very down to earth, nothing fazes her and when she sees bull---- she calls it like it is. Love that. Kandi was attending a really chi-chi-poo-poo bridal shower on a recent episode, where the women were dressed to the nines – big hats, gloves, and ballerinas. So in a very small gesture, as she was alighting from her Mercedes for the event, she puts on her big hat. Looking like a new millennium Minnie Pearl, with the price tag dangling from her obviously new big hat, she snatches off the price tag and keeps on strutting. Cool.
Then there’s Samantha Jones, so comfortable in her heterosexuality – as any fan of the show knows. Always ready for whatever comes up, she’s open for new, ummm, opportunities, and she doesn’t hold her tongue – no puns intended. Even in Abu Dhabi surrounded by women shrouded in burkas, and people all around are speaking in whispers – she speaks her mind, loudly.
A good friend of mine, let’s call her PB, once told me that women get to a certain age and they recognize who they really are. They no longer live for approval, or acceptance they embrace themselves, do what feels right and keep on strutting. In today's terms, that someone is your authentic self.
Male or female, we have all bought into other people's ideas of who we are and what we should say and do. Whether its our family, or our boss, or society in general. But we spend so much of our lives and our energy trying to meet someone else's expectations that eventually we resent the restrictions and we come to resent ourselves for living half a life. Well, here's my expectation for you. Live your whole life, be your whole self, and be happy in it.
Its not an easy thing to and I don't know exactly how to do that, but I have caught glimpses of the real me..The one who loves my husband, my kids and my family - shopping, movies, good music and the beach…The one who really, really doesn't like getting up before noon...The one who doesn't like confrontations, but will handle it when necessary. I recognize those are some of the things that make me me, and I'm learning to embrace that she is my authentic self. She's not perfect, and she’s not here full-time yet but I’m working on it.
Have you met your authentic self? http://www.oprah.com/spirit/New-Years-Resolution-Just-Be-Yourself
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
The Lost Art of Visiting
When I was a kid, the cool thing to do was hang out at a friend’s house. Especially in the summer, when we’d sit on each other’s stoops and talk, joke around and just hang out. We watched Luke and Laura get married at my house. We played UNO next door, and watched the Thriller video (mesmerized) on a Betamax video player across the street. We’d get together and watch Hot Tracks, or the occasional birthday party with ice cream and cake.
Back then my family used to do a lot of visiting, too. My family was huge (or at least it seemed huge to me). Dozens of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents would get together at family reunions, weddings, barbeques and fish fries. Visiting: talking, joking and just hanging out. Those were the best times, seeing my parents become kids again in the presence of their elders and have fun.
Whether it was with my friends or my huge family, there seemed to always be something going on – something to celebrate, some function to capture with my Polaroid camera.
Nowadays, people don’t seem to do much visiting.
As I grew up, my friends in the neighborhood all moved away to begin their adult lives – off to college, off to get married, to the Navy, Army and Air Force. Scattered like leaves in the breeze.
My family landscape seems to have changed too. The older generation has gotten older or has passed on and the younger generation is not as good at the barbeque, fish fry, family reunion thing.
One could blame it on the 90’s when everyone concentrated on getting ahead, or the events of 2001 which sent people cocooning into their homes. We could also blame it on email, twitter, texting and Skype which seem to have eliminated the need for actual face to face contact.
But Skype doesn’t let you hug that friend you haven’t seen in ages. You can XoXo until thumbs are purple but texting doesn’t let you kiss the forehead of your brother’s new baby. Email messages are not the same as sitting in someone’s kitchen as they share a joke, or tell you their news. It’s just not the same.
Facebook, however, has promise. You can find those long lost friends and poke that relative who’s been quiet for so long, or post your address and an invitation to your next barbeque. Try it for yourself and rediscover the lost art of visiting. XOXO.
Back then my family used to do a lot of visiting, too. My family was huge (or at least it seemed huge to me). Dozens of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents would get together at family reunions, weddings, barbeques and fish fries. Visiting: talking, joking and just hanging out. Those were the best times, seeing my parents become kids again in the presence of their elders and have fun.
Whether it was with my friends or my huge family, there seemed to always be something going on – something to celebrate, some function to capture with my Polaroid camera.
Nowadays, people don’t seem to do much visiting.
As I grew up, my friends in the neighborhood all moved away to begin their adult lives – off to college, off to get married, to the Navy, Army and Air Force. Scattered like leaves in the breeze.
My family landscape seems to have changed too. The older generation has gotten older or has passed on and the younger generation is not as good at the barbeque, fish fry, family reunion thing.
One could blame it on the 90’s when everyone concentrated on getting ahead, or the events of 2001 which sent people cocooning into their homes. We could also blame it on email, twitter, texting and Skype which seem to have eliminated the need for actual face to face contact.
But Skype doesn’t let you hug that friend you haven’t seen in ages. You can XoXo until thumbs are purple but texting doesn’t let you kiss the forehead of your brother’s new baby. Email messages are not the same as sitting in someone’s kitchen as they share a joke, or tell you their news. It’s just not the same.
Facebook, however, has promise. You can find those long lost friends and poke that relative who’s been quiet for so long, or post your address and an invitation to your next barbeque. Try it for yourself and rediscover the lost art of visiting. XOXO.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
