My Friend Linda Died

I found out yesterday that my friend Linda died.   We worked together a long time ago, before I had kids, and before I got married.  She's been my friend for over 20 years.

I call her my friend and I always will, but in my heart I know that I took my friend for granted.  I hadn't seen her in years but through voicemail, email and facebook, we connected often enough to stay connected I thought.

She called me at work one hectic day this past winter.  She was in the hospital she said, but she made it sound like no big deal.  From winter to spring, bogged down in my own life I thought of her often.  "I've got to call Linda", I would say but I never got around to it.

Finally, yesterday I took a minute to look her up on Facebook.  There I saw the posts from her other friends uniting to say how much they missed her now that she was in heaven.  There was a video posted, songs, and prayers but there is no more Linda.

I carried on at work yesterday stoically, quietly looking forward to a moment to be alone with my thoughts, my mourning and my regret.  Finally as I laid my head down to rest on my pillow last night the tears flooded my heart and all I could say was "I'm sorry, Linda."

When the tears subsided I thought then of all my other friends whom I haven't seen in years.  Obligations, state lines, oceans and time keep us apart, we all know that.  But is the love I have for them in my heart enough to continue to claim them as my friends?  Do they feel neglected?  Do they still count me on their "friend" list?

Linda and I would leave crazy voicemails on each other's phones.  She would say "CHELLE!!!!" and I would say "Lindaaaaaaaah!!".  She would ask about my husband and kids and I owuld ask about her cat and her travels.  (Her cat was HUGE and she traveled quite extensively, Europe and the Caribbean - pretty cool.)  Then a few months later I would get another "CHELLE!!!!" and we'd connect again.

One could say that it was enough.  One could say that we each knew where the other was and that no matter how much time had passed, that we could always pick up where we left off in the same old groove like peas and carrots, as Forrest Gump might say.  However true that might be, I know that friendship should be more.

I heard someone say that friends are like the family members you get to choose.  People you invite into your life and welcome them to stay.  You're there for each other and eventually they are a part of your whole life, not just a piece of it.  Linda and I connected on every major event, but still my friend Linda died and I found out on Facebook.

I have a list of friends and family members for that matter - that I haven't seen in years (you know who you are - wink-wink).  Know this:  I love you and you'll be hearing from me.

What about tomorrow?

There was an acute awareness of time passing by today.  As we went about our lives, doing the things we do on Saturdays -- at the mall, the beauty salon, and the barbershop, whether we admit it or not, there was a palpable question lingering in the air.  As time ticked by you may have wondered to yourself what the future held for you -- today.

We all know we've got to go sometime, but no one knows when.  Yet, the idea propagated by one man that the end was near may have instilled a permanent question mark over your head, like the quizzical bubble over your favorite comic book character's head.  What if?

I was reminded of the days after September 11th.  In those dark days in New York especially, everyone was just a bit kinder, more compassionate.  The reality of just how close many of us came to the end of our days was enough to change our views, our directions and our philosophies.  Faced with the tragic reality of the day, all of us recognized the value of our lives, of each day, of our loved ones, and of our faith that given this miraculous second chance that we'd live the rest of our lives to the fullest.

Today may have held a similar value for you.  While we may have dismissed the idea that the end was near with a certain sardonic skepticism, we may also have wondered, deep down in our hearts whether tomorrow would come.  We laughed about what would happen or not happen at 6PM, but you may have noticed as I did that the laughter seemed just a bit forced.  Did you wonder as I did, where you would be, or where you should be?  Did you change your activities at all?  Did you silently glance at the clock more often that you normally would on a sunny, Saturday afternoon?

I don't know about you, but I took today as a blessing.  A sweet reminder that you can only live your life one moment at a time, one day at a time. September 11 was a wake up call - an event that we lived through to remind us of the sweetness of tomorrow.   So make your tomorrow count.  :-)