I found out yesterday that my friend Linda died. We worked together a long time ago, before I had kids, and before I got married. She's been my friend for over 20 years.
I call her my friend and I always will, but in my heart I know that I took my friend for granted. I hadn't seen her in years but through voicemail, email and facebook, we connected often enough to stay connected I thought.
She called me at work one hectic day this past winter. She was in the hospital she said, but she made it sound like no big deal. From winter to spring, bogged down in my own life I thought of her often. "I've got to call Linda", I would say but I never got around to it.
Finally, yesterday I took a minute to look her up on Facebook. There I saw the posts from her other friends uniting to say how much they missed her now that she was in heaven. There was a video posted, songs, and prayers but there is no more Linda.
I carried on at work yesterday stoically, quietly looking forward to a moment to be alone with my thoughts, my mourning and my regret. Finally as I laid my head down to rest on my pillow last night the tears flooded my heart and all I could say was "I'm sorry, Linda."
When the tears subsided I thought then of all my other friends whom I haven't seen in years. Obligations, state lines, oceans and time keep us apart, we all know that. But is the love I have for them in my heart enough to continue to claim them as my friends? Do they feel neglected? Do they still count me on their "friend" list?
Linda and I would leave crazy voicemails on each other's phones. She would say "CHELLE!!!!" and I would say "Lindaaaaaaaah!!". She would ask about my husband and kids and I owuld ask about her cat and her travels. (Her cat was HUGE and she traveled quite extensively, Europe and the Caribbean - pretty cool.) Then a few months later I would get another "CHELLE!!!!" and we'd connect again.
One could say that it was enough. One could say that we each knew where the other was and that no matter how much time had passed, that we could always pick up where we left off in the same old groove like peas and carrots, as Forrest Gump might say. However true that might be, I know that friendship should be more.
I heard someone say that friends are like the family members you get to choose. People you invite into your life and welcome them to stay. You're there for each other and eventually they are a part of your whole life, not just a piece of it. Linda and I connected on every major event, but still my friend Linda died and I found out on Facebook.
I have a list of friends and family members for that matter - that I haven't seen in years (you know who you are - wink-wink). Know this: I love you and you'll be hearing from me.
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I'm so sorry for your loss... i had one of those this year myself... THanks for putting it into words. Peace and prayers, Hailey
ReplyDeleteMichelle, so sorry for this loss. And thanks for writing this very touching post.
ReplyDeleteLinda knew you were her friend, Michelle, so don't beat yourself up up. She touched your life, and you touched hers. Say a little prayer for her and we'll join in.
ReplyDeleteWow Michelle!I am sorry for your lost. This blog however was very theraputic for me. I recently got a confirmation thru the internet that a very good friend of mine had died 3 years ago.She was about 10 years older than me and a singer also. I would go to all of her shows, I was like her little tagalong sister at times. We would run around he city going to auditions together. She had leukemia. The last time I spoke to her was in January 2008, I found out that she died in March of 2008. I had tried to reach her later on in that year and her phones were disconnected and the birthday card that I sent her came back to me. In my spirit I knew she was gone but I did not want to face it. About 2 months ago, I googled her name and found an article about her memorial service. As upsetting as it was to find out that way I knew that she was no longer in pain and that she is still singing wherever she is. Thank you so much for this blog. As I sit here in tears, I realized I had not really faced it until now. The memory of your friend Linda and my friend Louise are etched in our hearts and they will never be forgotten. God Bless You.
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